Monday, October 18, 2010

"I HATE you!!!"

You hear it, your heart sinks and you find yourself on the verge of tears. Those three ugly words we as parents wholeheartedly expect to hear, yet silently pray they are never uttered.

I was prompted to write this by a girlfriend who posted today on FaceBook that her "tween"  screamed this at her for the first time today. Of course, all of her girlfriends came running to her virtual rescue giving hugs and saying "it's normal" and she must be doing something right to evoke such a response for her little darling. I on the other hand, take a different approach.

While it is normal for tweens/teens to "lash-out", what you as a parent do with it makes all the difference in the world. I will say this loud and clear... NIP IT IN THE BUD. As parents our primary function is to raise children into responsible productive adults, this cannot be achieved if your children think it is "OK" to speak this way to anyone, let alone an adult. Teach your children how to appropriately express themselves. "If you are upset with me, then say "Mom, _____ really upset me". Of course, in my not-so-humble opinion this conversation only addresses part of the problem, the second part is that the child is in most cases reacting to not getting what they want, something you need to stand firm on now so they learn the lesson that throughout their lives will resurface...You Can't Always Get What You Want. (Feel free to sing along).

Each family is different, and thus the way you handle it will be unique to your family. In our house, I introduce the "Week of NO". Mom can I have a...NO. Mom will you take me...NO. Mom can I go...NO. Mom will you buy me...NO. Explain this will last a week, then have a talk at the end explaining that you do all the little extra things you do for them because you love them. Talk about mutual respect, it's importance and how hurtful words can be. They will realize all that you do for them and how much they need and appreciate you. 


Now, go take that bubblebath you so richly deserve.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Sticks and Stones....

We all remember, thought we've tried to block it out. Mean kids, saying terrible hurtful things.Things that made us want to cry, lash out, or sometimes just curl up into a ball and cease to exist.

Those of you reading this managed to somehow make it through, yet every day kids do the unthinkable and end their lives, all because of words; unkind words. I would like to challenge each and every one of you to read a post, by a formerly bullied kid HERE and remember. Remember what it was like for you as a kid...Were you the bully? The bullied? The kid who shrank from confrontations lest they be directed at you? Remember, and share with your kids. I think a huge piece of this equation is letting our kids know that this IS survivable, that we understand, we've been there in one form or another and can relate. We know their pain and survived it. We know it sucks, and we know those kids who are so cruel will eventually be held accountable.

Go.....remember, share, and hug your kids extra tight tonight.